This morning whilst collecting herbs for dinner this evening from my perfectly ethical garden I noticed that a gale in the night had blown down my television antenna which also meant that I did not have perfect reception for the recording of the early morning news. This triggered me to phone a company to come and repair it, however, all I got was their answering machine which was quite annoying.
After repeated attempts, there was only 30 minutes left until the beginning of the broadcast so I decided to go out on the roof and attempt a repair myself.
I took my ladders out and set them at a perfect angle using my industrial size protractor. This perfection continued until a vulgar bird flew nearby dropping crap on my chimney pots and also me! This startled me causing a momentary lapse where my perfectly co-ordinated garments became snagged on the aerial. I lost my balance yet in the process of regaining it, ripped off nearly all my perfect garments with the wind revealing my body to the prying neighbours which bought many dirty looks. And to add to this distress I knocked my toolbox off the roof which landed in my perfectly round pond. This meant that I had to go descend inside and change my perfect garments as they were no longer perfect.
Thankfully I had actually fixed the aerial so after the news I returned to the roof to clean and bleach my chimney pots with the extra precaution of wearing my extra grip boots which secured me.
These events severely disrupted my schedule for the entire day therefore a severe punishment was indeed called for. I deemed a thorough electrocution was deserved which I carried out five times as I was not satisfied with the first three.
Alternative Styles |
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